[Blackadder] S02E01 // Lord Flashheart’s Grand Entrance

for me, this is the funniest scene of blackadder.



“Still worshipping God?
The last time I heard he’d started worshipping me!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”







There is a sudden explosion and flash, the doors fly open, masonry falls from the ceiling, as does a rope, and Flashheart appears in the corridor. He is the most glamorous man in the world.Flashheart
It’s me!

Blackadder
Flash!

Flashheart comes down the corridor, knocking over two suits of armour. He enters the chamber.

Flashheart
Flash by name. Flash by nature!

The doors close

Hurray!

All
Hurray!

Blackadder
Where have you been?

Flashheart
Where haven’t I been? (He is referring to every girl in the world) But I’m here now, and … who is that?

He looks at Percy in total horror.

Blackadder
No idea, but he’s in your place.

Flashheart
Not for long.

He draws his sword and hands it to Baldrick. He then pushes Percy through the doors and takes his sword back.

Flashheart
Thanks, bridesmaid. Like the beard, gives me something to hang on to.
So my old mate Eddie’s getting hitched, eh? What’s the matter? Can’t stand the pace of the In-Crowd!

(He turns to Queenie)

Hi, Queenie, you look sexy. Woof! But listen, wear your hair long, I prefer it that way.

He pulls a pin out of Queenie’s hair, some falls down attractively.

Queen
I’ve got such a crush on him!

Flashheart
Hey, Melchy! Still worshipping God?

Melchett
My lord!

Flashheart
Last thing I heard, he’d started worshipping me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

All
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Flashheart
Nursie – I like it, firm and fruity. Am I pleased to see you, or did I put a canoe in my pocket. Down, boy, down!

Nursie laughs. Percy’s head appears through the smashed door and Flashheart bops him again.

And now, where’s this amazing bird, the one who’s stopped my old pal Eddie doing exactly what he wants ten times a night.

Blackadder
Flash, let me introduce my fiancee, Kate.

Flashheart sees Kate and they twirl to a kissing position.

Flashheart
Hi, baby.

They kiss passionately.

She’s got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man’s tonsils. You don’t want to marry this jerk, baby. Meet me on my horse in eight seconds.

They release each other.

Kate
But I can’t run in this frock. You see, I’ve found I actually prefer wearing boys’ clothes.

Flashheart
Weird. I always feel more comfy in a dress!
I’ve got a plan, and it’s as hot as my pants!

Blackadder is meanwhile talking to Percy.

Blackadder
What a man Flash is. Things will certainly liven up round here now he’s back, won’t they, Flash?

He turns to Flashheart, but he and Kate seem to have disappeared. But in an instant they are back. Flashheart in a dress and Kate in tunic and trousers.

Flashheart
So long, suckers! Next time you’re bored with your lives, give me a call and I’ll come round and kill you.

Kate
Bye, Edmund, and thanks for everything.

Flashheart
Hurray!

And in a flash they are gloriously gone. Smoke settles on the amazed assembly, then Melchett has an idea with which he is very pleased.

Melchett
It is customary on these occasions for the groom to marry the bridesmaid. I presume you will honour this.

Baldrick
I do.

Blackadder
Ah-ha.

He glances at Baldrick, who is looking seductively his way. The end of the world is nigh.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s